“What is wrong with me?!” the 35-year-old mother, Heather, exclaimed as she cried and raged on about the abuse that had happened to her daughter. Sitting across her in the group room was 23-year-old survivor, Maria, who quickly followed with similar emotions, sobbing the words, “I feel the same way! I feel crazy! There is something seriously wrong with me! Why do we feel this way?!”
Part III
The one thing most survivors have in common is believing that there is something “wrong” or “bad” about the thoughts and emotions that they are experiencing. This cannot be further from the truth.
Dear Survivor,
Whatever you’re feeling, it’s normal. Each person responds differently to trauma. Some may try to “numb out” by developing negative coping strategies, such as drinking, using drugs, cutting, binge eating, or starving in an attempt to escape the intense emotions. Others may become ”professional runners” and leave any situation that may begin to get a little difficult to cope with. Or perhaps both – you leave the situation by eating a bag of chips with an ice cream chaser in front of a movie. Know that these coping strategies are normal as you are using them in an attempt to feel better. These strategies, however, only provide temporary relief and often lead to greater emotional pain and bigger problems.
When we numb ourselves from feeling sad, anxious, or depressed, we also block ourselves from the positive emotions of happiness and joy.
It is ok and healthy to allow yourself to feel your feelings. It may be difficult at first. It may seem as though you won’t survive the intense pain, fear, or guilt. You will, and the end result is amazing! In fact, you will be stronger from the experience. Let us walk beside you and hold you up when you are weak.
Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LGSW, a mental health therapist, once said, “Emotions are like waves in the ocean. They rise and peak, but ultimately if you allow yourself to sit with them, they will decrease in intensity.” Allow yourself to ride those waves until the ocean becomes calmer – then, sit back, relax, and enjoy the view.
Note: If you are struggling with shame, guilt, fear, anger, getting even or even thoughts of self-harm or suicide - whatever emotions you have, they are normal and can be difficult to navigate without help. PATH can help you. Just make the call 501-301-HELP (4357) or 501-993-1641. If you don’t call PATH, call someone. Get the help you deserve. Be sure to seek help from those who specialize in trauma. We are praying with you!
This is PART THREE of an educational series on healing from sexual assault called “Dear Survivor” by Louise Allison, Founder of PATH; Nurse; Speaker, Writer, Survivor