I am reminded of a story I read a few years ago about the ex-Stanford swimmer, Brock Turner, who was found guilty of sexually assaulting an unconscious woman behind a dumpster. He was seen assaulting the woman by two men who were biking past the scene. They intervened and held him down until the police arrived.
After he was convicted, Turner was sentenced to six months in a county jail. The judge indicated that he imposed a lighter sentence than might be expected due to Turner’s lack of criminal history and his age, stating that … I think he will not be a danger to others.
Part I
This type of judicial response might send the wrong message to survivors, so I want to take a minute to comment on this topic, specifically to those of you who are survivors of a sex-crime or those who have a loved one that is a survivor.
Dear Survivor,
What happened to you was not your fault. I know you may have heard this before, but the lies in your mind may still be saying, “I shouldn’t have gone over there,” or “it was my fault for sending him mixed signals,” or “I should have screamed” or “fought back more”.
I want you to know that this type of self-blame is a common reaction to sexual trauma. Your mind wants to make sense of a situation that was beyond your control. Many people wrongly believe that they must have been responsible for what happened to them. Truly, it was NOT your fault. Your body is yours to give, not another’s to take. The reality is that when someone is sexually assaulted, the only person who is to blame is the perpetrator. No matter what party you went to, if you had a drink, if you were dating the person, if you didn’t fight the person off you, and even if there was something in you that was aroused - regardless of the circumstance, it was NOT your fault. You were not responsible, and you certainly did not deserve it.
Note: If you are struggling with shame, guilt, fear, anger, getting even or even thoughts of self-harm or suicide - whatever emotions you have, they are normal and can be difficult to navigate without help. PATH can help you. Just make the call 501-301-HELP (4357) or 501-993-1641. If you don’t call PATH, call someone. Get the help you deserve. Be sure to seek help from those who specialize in trauma. We are praying with you!
This is PART ONE of an educational series on healing from sexual assault called “Dear Survivor” by Louise Allison, Founder of PATH; Nurse; Speaker, Writer, Survivor